Elections or Popularity Contest ?

Today we had student council elections in my university for the first time ! And it was embarrassing ! I thought voters have power to choose whomever they want. The elections held over here seems like marketing campaign for a product though. I personally thought it was a total riot. Supporters were coming and asking me whom Im voting for ! It was annoying because who I vote for is my personal right and business. And I felt so brain washed and I felt really bad when I had to refuse people. I guess elections anywhere is dirty politics. It’s really sad though because I think at school and university level it should be done better and fairly. With no brain washing and no money throwing ! The money spent on elections in university would have been utilized for something our university needs. Plus I don’t even think the people running for elections know their rights. Anyway here’s hoping whoever wins turns out to be the best candidate of all and not because he or she is popular !

Princess Diaries coming to end

I stopped reading Princess Diaries like two years back....College was so hectic that I just wouldnt read Princess Diaries when my whole life was upside down.....And now suddenly my sister started reading the Princess Diaries and it was like walking down the lane of my past..When I read the first part of Princess Diaries I didnt get it why i liked it so much....And then as I started reading book 3, 4 and onwards I did realize why I liked it so much...Princess Mia is so human ! Also she doesnt sees herself as she is to other people but is trapped in an image she has about herself. Like she is not pretty and like being tall is dumb...Arent we all that ? We have this image about ourself and cant seem to get out of it...The weirdest part is the last book of Princess Diaries is coming out January 2009....I feel so sad about it. Its another part of my teens that I will be saying goodbye forever. Even though Im already 20 but finding out that last book of Princess diaries is FINALLY going to come out is like totally and officially saying "goodbye to my teen years"I didnt feel this sad when I read the last book of Harry Potter. And I always thought I liked Harry Potter better than Princes Diaries. I remember when the third book of princess diaries had come out (when i was in 9th grade i think), I had read an interview that Meg Cabot will have ten books. I had thought Meg Cabot was crazy to have ten books but reading all 9 books again I realize that Mia has grown up so much. Just like I have !

IMMATURE

Im so scared. And I don’t know why. You know the bad feeling you get sometimes that keeps haunting your mind. Well that “thing” is haunting me. I wonder if Im reaching my breaking point. Im going to turn 20 soon. Ok don’t think I hate turning 20 because im a girl. I hate turning 20 because Im too immature to turn 20. You know what ? I never wanted to grow up. Seriously ! When I was younger I use to wait for Peter Pan to show up at night !

I have thought a lot about this and I guess I just want to take the easier way out of life !! I think a part of me will always wish for Peter Pan to come but I wish I would start doing something useful instead of just wishing for stupid things. See ! Im always wishing ! Never trying to put those words into action…How immature and lazy one can be !?!

Muhammad & Laiba……

Muhammad is my bratty almost 4 year old cousin. Whenever he is around he tends to destroys everything in its path. Once he drank up my grand mama attar bottle. (Thank God nothing happened to him because he spilled it more than he would drink) When somebody asked him whether attar tasted bitter , he agreed. Then we asked him why in the world he drank a bitter thing. He went like “Because I wanted to”. This is not the only thing on his mischief list. Whenever he is in my room and I’m working with my laptop he will come and bang on it. But no matter what Muhammad does you will always love him because he is so loving. And he has this most innocent smile so you will believe all the stories and lies he will tell. :D

Laiba is the youngest of the family. She is just 1 year 4 months old. She has learned the joys of walking two months back so she is still exploring the whole villa. Unlike Muhammad who tends be destructive of everything in its path Laiba is inquisitive and want to learn different things. For example some time she closes her eyes and spins around the room trying to make out the room. Or she will look and observe all the plants that are growing. Everybody ADORES her and wants to play with her. She is the apple of our eyes. And although she doesn’t mind us disturbing her , she always prefers to explore on her own. Now Muhammad loves to make fuss over her. Whenever she enters the room still trying to maintain her balance he will run towards her and hug her. And tell her in cooing voice “Woooow laiba itniiiiiiiiii pyariiiii lag rahi hainnnnnn laibaaaaaaa”. Muhammad will actually fight with Hasan (Laiba’s brother) claiming that he is laiba’s brother too. And Hasan will always tell him that Laiba is only his sister. Laiba always ignore Muhammad fussing but when he tries hugging her or to lead her away to play with him she always give him whack with her hand and go her own sweet way. I always see this scene and laugh to myself. And I always laugh because laiba is the only person immune to Muhammad’s innocent smile.

But yesterday during iftari some thing happened that I will always remember. Muhammad got the scolding of his life because he was being destructive as usual. This time he had tried jumping fromthe bed to reach the emergency light on top of the wardrobe. Obviously he would of broken his neck so his mom gave him a thrashing of his life so he wouldn’t repeat his action again. Anyway when Muhammad came in the room with his mom , he was howling and crying. His mom sat down for iftari. Laiba was also in the room with her mom. During iftari Laiba always sits quietly with her mom and never disturb anything or anybody. Anyway suddenly she got up and walked towards the crying Muhammad who had his face hidden in his hands. I was so sure she was going to whack him again for howling. But you know what she did ! She first sort of whacked his hand. Muhammad who was hiding his face looked up to her. Then when she got his attention instead of walking away as she usually does she actually patted on his head like she was giving him comfort. And she walked back to her mom. I smiled for I realized so Laiba wasn’t immune to Muhammad's smile after all.

Im finally moving to Pakistan !!! This time its very final because the cartons are here for packing. In some ways Im so EXCITED ! I mean Karachi is such a different place and it will be a whole different growing experience. I will be exposed to more stuff. And there are so many things and activities that can be done in Karachi easily. Parties and events are more fun because there are so many people there.

But a deeper, cynical and darker part of me is so scared !!That part of my heart and deep in mind just wants to curl up somewhere in a corner and weep…Leaving a country and moving to a completely different environment seems “impossible”. I wont have any of my friends there…I will be all alone while they will be here in Dubai. How will I make new friends ? My friends are such true and awesome friends (MashaAllah) , will anybody be able to be as true and awesome as them ? Sometimes all I want to do is sit somewhere and think about everything deeply. And sometime I just want to grab all my friends in group hug and start crying that I don’t want to leave them. And this might sound so babyish but I want to cry our loud “Im too OLD to make friends and too old to leave my comfort zone”. Making friends is not easy. It requires a lot of searching and commitment ! Also that part of me that just wants to sob says that it will be difficult to keep in touch and soon I will lose track of them. From talking to them regularly on phone like now , I will probably hear from them on special occasions like Eid, Birthdays and as time passes soon we will forget each other. All I will be left is with “memories”.

The stronger side of me with a weak voice keeps telling me that my friendship will survive distance and time. It wants to count the blessings that at least my whole and extended family is there with me. Im very close to my siblings even with the age difference between us. And even though we fight like cats and dogs we always join together in time of crisis. The funniest part is last time when we were moving I was worried about silly things like the electricity and lack of luxury and about moving into a joint-family. But things have changed a lot since. Things like electricity is important but they dont make you laugh. Without electricity you are mad and at an inconvience but without close friends its like part of your heart is ripped out. Luxuries makes you happy for days but moments with friends makes you laugh even years later when you are a grandparent.

I have come to realize the true meaning of friendship. I have always been blessed with true friendship. But to appreciate it I had to see true friendship breaking to understand the importance of it. I had to see good friends leaving to understand that its not big things that make friendship special but the private and special moments. Those jokes we share, those songs we sing together ,those silly nicknames we make , those silly things you do in front of friend like “walking into glass door” ;) or how you get locked inside in a classroom by the teacher because you were making too much racquet or stand on a fountain without flowing water so you have a greater height to see stars, those surprise parties that are never complete surprise, those laughers over the silliest unnecessary things just because you want to get out of studying, those tricks, those beating, those dances even with my two left feet, those spinning around, those time we drive each other to insanity, those moment where we scream at each other even in a van or corrioder, those silly fights, those silly games, those long talks in the car on the way to home……So much memories….And there will be more but I wont be a part of those….All this is what Im going to miss the most and so MUCH MORE…

When it comes face to face I don’t know if I will able to tell my friend how much they mean to me and if I try to write my feelings to my friends its going to take books and books not just pages. Im going to miss them a LOT, TRULY, DEEPLY AND SO MUCH.

My friends gave me a surprise party and their farewell cake was shaped like a butterfly. All my friends know im crazy about butterflies but the deeper reason I love butterflies is because I read somewhere it’s a sign of new horizon and opportunities. Lol ….its really funny how they by giving me so much love and with a butterfly cake they gave me a BIGGER SIGN that everything in Karachi will fine. All I need to do is look at it positively. So here’s to a new beginning ! But to me its not farewell or goodbye. Sitting from Karachi Im still going to nag the hell out of my friends. :D Now Im too emotional to write any more…Im grinning like an idiot but my eyes are welling up... well…Anybody who read this you guys don’t need to comment…I just wanted to spill it out all….Take care…Much Later….


PS…have kept the pic of the cake so large because I want it to be a beautiful reminder to me….

How to say "no" to people ?

My life would be lot easier if instead of using the reluctant two-letter word “ok”, I would be using “NO”. Why is “no” so difficult to say to your loved ones or to complete strangers? I did two very stupid things today just because I can never say no to people and always get emotionally manipulated. And after I am emotionally manipulated I feel like a total and complete fool. I feel that I have betrayed myself because my inner self was screaming no. Which is a lot worst as you can runaway from people but how in the world are you going to runaway from yourself ??Anyway I looked up on the internet on how to say no and found this “ http://www.wikihow.com/Say-No-Respectfully”

Implementation is very important and I guess I will start small !!!

Boyfriend problem ?

Im so good at embarrassing myself I don’t need anybody else to do it for me ! In fact usually I think “EMBARASSMNET” and I are very good friends and we have dinner almost every other month. Anyway some days back I embarrassed myself by crying…..It started with a stupid thing. I didn’t know how to explain it to my concerned friends who all gathered around me like bees gathered around a poor flower that I wanted to cry , I needed to cry and I wanted to be left alone. My crying had robbed me my voice and all I would do was sob.
Anyway when I did finally manage stopped crying , I started all over again when we sat on the stairs of our university. This time I was crying genuinely because I realized that I needed to get more self-control. And I will never achieve my New Year resolution in hiding my feelings at the rate I was going. Out of nowhere this eccentric teacher showed up whom I admired a lot. He looked at me and smiled sympathetic “Boyfriend problem”, he asked. Which made me laugh. So not only was I crying like a lunatic, I was laughing like one. I told him “No, Im not dumb”. At the back of my mind I was thinking “No way am I ever going to cry over a boyfriend”. Then my sir asked “what’s your problem then?” I automatically said “everything”. “Hmmm so not only you have boyfriend problem but EVERYTHING is bothering you?” he said in sing song voice that one use when talking to kids. I laughed again. This conversation was getting hilarious by the minute. I would just imagine crying over a guy. My life is already complicated enough and adding a boyfriend would make it suicidal. Plus I don’t believe in keeping boyfriends at this age as it will be stupid. Also why do everybody always assume that when a girl is crying she is crying over a guy.That’s such a preconceived notion by everybody and I wonder when we will ever get rid of this old automatic thought. I was about to explain it to the sir how I don’t believe in keeping boyfriends and how it wasn’t in our culture and at my age you are growing up so why complicate it more by adding more complications to it and why did he think I had a boyfriend trouble and then I realized who im having a conversation with. I also remembered that my other New Year resolution was not to blurt out my whole life history to anybody who Im talking with. I sighed then.

I then say “I don’t have a boyfriend. And sir Im not a kid. Im 19 year old. Im crying because im at my limit’s end”. At this the sir smiled wisely. “Well I have a 19 year old son and I know life can get tough. But don’t waste your precious tears. Nothing is worth that”, He said sadly. I thought “Are all dads the same. My dad says the same thing. And I will never get it why tears are precious. Wasting them is a good indulgence for me”. I nodded my head. No use saying something that I know he wont get it. My friend who was sitting next to me asked sir to make me promise that I wont cry again. I started at disbelief. “well are you ok now ? “, he asked. Again I nodded my head. He said said , ”good bye”. I smiled and I hope I said thank you, I know I was thinking it…..