Before & Today :)

I need to get my groove back

I typed " I need to get my groove back" in Google Search for Images. It lead me to this image.


Sigh but it didnt make me feel better :(



Dastaan

I usually avoid sad dramas like anything but the drama "Dastaan" attracted me like moth to a flame even though I didnt want to watch it. The cast, direction and the story is amazing.

The drama is during the partition of India , about a muslim girl named "Bano" whose belief in "Pakistan" is so strong that in her every action, words and thoughts you will see that she is motivated by her country and her beliefs.

The whole drama reminded me of the real stories that I have heard from my grand parent. Even though its heart wrenching to watch it, I think every Pakistani should atleast watch this drama. Because it reminds us of our history and past.  It also depicts in the end where our country is heading. So its a wake-up call and a warning.

Hugh Jackman

Suzanne Enoch dedicated one of her books to Hugh Jackman. She wrote , " For Hugh Jackman, whom I find very inspiring." Reading it made me smile ! Hugh Jackman really looks like as if he has walked out of a romance novel. :)

Do you want to be in touch or not ?

You know when somebody tells you, “ I have been meaning to call but something always come up”. They are lying unintentionally. Today because of technology and internet it’s impossible to not be connected with somebody. All the excuses people give about not being in touch because of lack of time or job or personal issues is just crap. One of my friend actually gave me this excuse, “ These days you are never online, also I don’t see you on facebook and to add to that I had lost your number”. It was so funny when she told me that. Anyway I got the picture ,she was trying to give me unintentionally.
But that exact ‘excuse’ she gave made me start thinking that Im always in touch with the meaningful people in my life. I always find a way to be in touch with them whether it through the phone, emails, sms, facebook etc. Even the lack of time is not a problem because I WANT and NEED to be in touch with them. I want to share my life with them. So nothing like time, personal problem or even the height of busyness will get in my way from being in touch with them. Then it made me start thinking about people I haven’t been in touch with. People I would have written emails to but always didn’t find time. People I would have called but oh my God my cake is burning which is obviously more important then giving that call. It made me sort out those people in my life. The people I actually want to get back in touch with and people that I really don’t care whether we ever get to talk again.
It also made me realize communication works two way. If you don’t want to talk to somebody , he or she can do everything to try and reach you but wont be able to simply because of the fact that you don’t want to be in touch with that particular person. He or she can even come to your house and bang your door but you will not let them in because you don’t want them in. So the next time you tell somebody “ I just wouldn’t find the time to be in touch with you” or somebody tells you that , think about where your relationship with that person is heading.

Never write when you are miserable or angry

Im glad one cant drown in one's misery and depression. Because if it was possible then that would mean a lot of people would be drowned forever. Never write when you are miserable and angry. And if you do , make sure that you write it in private first so that after you have cooled down you can review it.


Other then that HAPPY EID everybody ! Hopefully yours will be better than mine.

I promised myself that I would write at least one post every month.But I didnt last month so I dont know what punishment to give myself.

Looking back , it was a frustrating month. I celebrated my 22nd birthday last month. LOL. I never get use to the fact that each year Im suppose to get older. Because I dont feel older, I only feel that Im me. There's just two more years left for my 24th birthday. So Im a bit worried. I wrote a letter to myself when I was sixteen and Im afraid what past and future I will open when I read that letter. Im sure it will have many dreams and many questions. I just hope the future 24 "me"  fulfill the wishes of the 16 year old that I was.

Anyway we will see in 2 more years.What else ? I am desparately waiting for winter this year. But its taking its own sweet time. I guess it will be worth the wait. :) Anyway thats all for today. I will leave you guys with one of many fav song. Enjoy

With or Without you

Us , human beings.....

I think I have lived long enough to know how anybody in my life can shock or surprise me. Human beings are such complex creature and their dept is so deep. There are two qualities of Human beings that really takes surprises me when I see it in within us. One quality or characteristic is how one human being can be evil as the devil while another good as an angel. I don’t get how certain people can be so evil with no humanity in them. Lost souls who have no feelings. And then at other end there are human beings fighting evil. They are self-sacrificing and their love has no boundaries or prejudices. They love freely and openly. Why are we so different from one another ? One so prejudiced of people, one so open to people. One so hateful , one so loving.
Another quality about us that takes me by surprise is our strength and our faith. We might be going through the biggest crisis our lives but we still fight it and live. Everyday is a new beginning for us. A new dawn means a new start. We don’t give up !

This post has been very difficult for me to write because I didn’t know how to describe it. But I’m sure every day you meet different people in your life. Some your enemies , some your friends. Some of these people are making your life miserable without a reason while some are making it beautiful without a reason. :) Some people you meet are fighting and you gain strength from them. And some people are probably inspired by your strength and you. So I guess in the end I want to say is try to fall in the category of people where you make people's life beautiful without a reason and inspire them with your strength. :) I know I want to and try to. Be strong!

If you want to be a writer never quit writing.....

Last night my friend and I were discussing about dreams and how to build our career. The whole conversation made me realize that I shouldnt have quit writing during my Bachelors. I didnt actually quit but I didnt give it any time. And because I did , now I sometimes feel so out of touch with it. Its hard to explain but before I use to get inspire by everything nowadays I just get confused on what to write or where to start. So anybody planning to be a writer, any type of writer , PLEASE DONT STOP and write whenever you are inspired.

The net is slow again ! I wish PTCL would stick to one performance. Coming from UAE I realize how I didn’t appreciate the fast connection and good service over there from Etisalat. Etisalat , I miss you ! I wish I would send PTCL over to you so that it can learn a lot of things from you ! :)
And the light will go in 20 minutes. Am wondering whether will be able to finish this before it goes. My favorite uncle (baba) is coming tomorrow. I'm so excited. As long as I can remember Baba has always been there to spoil me rotten. I think every child should have an uncle like him to motivate him or her. Even when I was very small and he was just a medical student, when I use to come to Pakistan, he used to take me shop to buy me lots of candies, biscuits, chips and stuff. And he once sent me a box full of cool-looking erasers, sharpeners , ruler and pencils that use to create envy from all my classmates. Baba just didn’t give me gifts but his precious time as well. He used to tell me so many stories. By the time I was six and seven, he had to start telling me Shakespeare plays as stories because he had ran out of stories to tell me. He used to write letters to me when I was small. Letters filled with amazing and beautiful stickers. Letters encouraging me to do well in tests or telling me what he was doing. The letters always use to make my day. Now those letters have turned to emails. He has always been there for me. Even when I was a teenager and used to cry at the most craziest thing. Even now when I just need somebody to talk with.

So you can imagine how very special he is to me. So cant wait for tomorrow ! The house is going to get very lively so looking forward to it. :D

I forgot to celebrate

Recently when my aunts came to visit, they were thrilled to see to me at home. My university life was so hectic that I was never at home, almost never attending family gatherings and never having time for family. When they asked me if my results were out , I confirmed yes. They seemed so pleased. And suddenly they gave me money as present for completing my degree.
And so it hit me like a bomb, like a lightening, like a splash of cold water that I'm done with my Bachelors. A chapter of my life is forever finished and I didnt celebrate. I didnt pat myself at the back for finishing it. I didnt laugh neither did I cry. I just took the fact so coldly.
Sooooooo suddenly Im very happy that Im done. Because its not everyday one finishes their Bachelors. Sooooooo Im very proud of myself. :)

When I look back at the last four years, I think it was a very over-whelming experience. I met a lot of new people. Few of those new people now seems to me like they were always there in my life. I met a lot of people who I wanted to remain friends with but I guess it wasnt meant to be. I also met people that I was wary of but we still ended up good friends. I also learned that its not important to have friends everywhere. :)
I now know how to give a presentation. I now know how to market a service or a product. I now know the importance of branding myself. Yes , I learned a lot these past four years.
Overall Im very very glad and happy that its done. :)

My country is bleeding

I feel so bad and sad . Countless deaths took place the last two week and sadly the situation is not improving at all. Families got destroyed. There's depression everywhere. I dont know what the GOP is trying to do. But whatever its trying to its failing miserably.  :( 

It rained today and it kept raining and raining.....

Do you ever wonder about the relationships you share with people in your life ? Im somebody's daughter, somebody's sister, somebody's niece, somebody's cousin, somebody's friend , somebody's student, somebody's teacher and hopefully will be somebody's something that I dont remember so I cant add :) .

 I wonder how much do I effect these people in my life. Do I make them smile ? Do I make them cry ? Do I make them happy ? Do I make them feel cherished ? Do I make them angry ? Do I make them sad ? Do I make them laugh ? Do I worry them ? Do I make them proud of me ? I wonder how much my presence in this huge world really effect them ? And then I think that if I were to describe my presence in this world, it would be an impact of a tiny microscopic speck of dust falling on a lake. Does it have an impact in the lake ? No not really.....

Dy and Dy is back to haunt me

This summer semester (My last semester that is if i clear everything )  am taking all courses that I keep failing or I keep withdrawing or that I didnt want to take or it doesnt make sense to me why I'm taking.

Seeing my cgpa made me cry ! Ok I didnt cry but I did feel like banging my head ! I feel like a such an idiot and a failure !

Today had my first mid-term in Financial Management and it didnot go well ! Its really my fault. I would have studied more for it. But Im tired of studying the same thing again and again. And Im tired of attending classes where Im sitting blankly. And I like studying but it bothers me when I dont get it thrice !Anyway on the coming Saturday have Calculus. Im really dreading that. Not to forget the quiz sir is giving us on Wednesday. I need to Youtube everything. If you are a lost student who dont get anything in finance and maths just youtube it. Somebody really nice would have most probably tried to put an explaination for that topic. I just hope Youtube has the topic that Im stuck at ! Anyway thats all for now people ! Hope you are enjoying life ! Its not really that bad... I just like to complain.... :)

PS PHET is gone !!

My dada

On last Saturday morning I woke up to find my dada (grandfather) was gone forever. It was shocking, sudden and devastating. Death is a silent reality that can attack you any moment of life. And this silent reality came to our home and took him away from us forever.

I still can’t believe he is gone. I still look for him when I come from university. Our home feels so incomplete. His room doesn’t feel like as if it was his room just because he is not there anymore. I took it for granted that he would be there in my future. I took it for granted that he would be there in every aspect of my life. And now that he is not there I feel so cheated, I feel like screaming that it’s unfair. When my summer semester had started at the beginning of this month, I remember telling that I only have 3 months to go and then I would be done with my degree. He had looked so satisfied then. Dada use to hate my universities time. Whenever I use to go for university, he would always ask me that when I would be back. The days that I had evening classes, dada would always frown. I miss that frown. I miss his smile even more and his sudden sense of humor. The present and future seems void without him.

For now all of us are holding on to the kaleidoscope of memories that he has left behind. Each memory precocious and each memory beautiful in its own way. I want to hold on to them in my heart forever. I hope that I always remember them. Dada was a man of rituals. Everything should be done on time and efficiently. We use to joke among our self that we should hide the clock in his room. Now that he is gone time has sort of stretched into nothingness. I was not close to him but I know one thing for sure that he loved me. My dad had once told me that grandparents loved their grandchildren as much as their own children. But you know when I think about it was unnecessary for my dad to tell me such a thing when I was small. Because love is something that is felt when it’s unconditional. It doesn’t require words and reassurance.

I miss him. May Allah grant him Jannat and may his soul rest in peace. Ameen.

Facebook banned in Pakistan

Hmmm this article really puts everything in perspective and I agree with it. Check it out! :)

Banning Facebook

Exam got over. So did my one week holiday before summer semester ! Sigh ! Just one more semester to go ! Then what ?

I am tired of .......

Around 12.00 am I see this text from my transport provider (private) for university:

Dear student please note all the fuel pumps will be close from 12:00pm tomorrow till Saturday 12:00pm by the order of Government.Although we are trying to manage this situation by having reverse fuel but we might face some problems which would be beyond our control. Therefore you are requested to please arrange necessary backup

I told dad and in his gruff manner (even though I know he is angry as the transport provider , I feel as if he is angry at me) he told me that its not my problem because its only CNG (Compressed Natural Gas) that wont be available but  petrol will be available.

Later today morning I got my regular annoying text asking me whether I have a class or not (Its the end of the semester and he is still confirming whether I have a class or not , when I have already sent him my class schedule twice.He claims to have a computerize system that has all student's schedules.Plus I always make it a point to tell him when my class is canceled. And you know the funniest part, in my university if a class is canceled I get a text 2 hours before class when I'm already in the van (Don't I deserve better service from university too ?))

Do you have class at 3:00 pm today ? Please do confirm

Anyway I confirmed yes and asked him to confirm whether he will be able drop students home in the last shift at 9.30pm. His reply:

Not confirm

I wrote back that Petrol is available and only CNG is not available.His reply:

Yes but out vans are not fit for petrol today  (What does that even mean ?!)

I texted back "CNG engines can run on both petrol and CNG its only petrol engines that dont run on CNG.

His reply:
Yes madam ( He was being sarcastic here because he NEVER EVER called me 'MADAM') but when we use a long time CNG the engine need a comprehensive service for which we need time  ( UGHHHHH what if something to happen to that van carrying students because you are not getting a COMPREHENSIVE service done)

I texted back with frustration : "We students have exams so please do something about it." I don't remember the exact words but it definitely had a 'please' in it...No reply came from him. After all why would he reply back to me even though I always pay the transport fee by 3rd of month. Why would he reply back because I have NEVER cut out of his transport fee if I had to go on my own for classes when something goes wrong with the van ? But the fact is, it was really not my problem that CNG was not going to be available after 12.00 pm...When I joined his van service he promised me an excellent service. He forgot to add the worries and headache (BTW he is the most expensive van service provider because I'm paying him quite bit more than my previous van driver/owner)

Even though he is micro better because he doesn't refuse me service when I have extra classes he still reminds me of my previous van driver.Anyway he still sent his drivers to drop students home at 9.30pm. Throughout my exam there were time I was worrying what I will do if the van doesn't come. You know what the worst is ?! My house is out of the way for some of the van drivers. So sometime they ask me to sit in the previous van I use to go in to just because they don't have space or because they want to save time! The van driver did that today. First of all he asked me , "Even you are here!". As if I haven't been going home for a semester on Friday at 9.30pm. The he went like, "You need to go in the red van (previous transport provider's van) because right now we are running on petrol. I went like "No I'm not going. I don't like to go in van that I'm not paying and petrol is your problem. You can just fill when you are out" Imagine after leaving a transport provider service I still have to go in that van just because the van I'm paying extra too doesn't want too. The irony is killing me ! You know this might not be a big thing but its the nitty gritty things that add up to this post. My transport provider has made many stupid mistakes ! That is not professional at all !

Im tired of this....Im tired of worrying about little things. I'm tired of going to University computer lab ( a private EXPENSIVE university) finding that I don't have a computer to work on. After finally finding a computer the printer wont work which charges me for every page I print. Oh and charges double for colour print. I'm tired of finding a jam-packed library during examination. I'm tired of over-crowded cafeteria with scary cats that I have seen licking plates that has leftover in it (YEEEWWW) I'm tired of my internet always fluctuating.I'm tired of bad roads. I'm tired of the safety issues.  I'm tired of light and electricity going when I have work. I'm tired of electricity going when I'm watching my favorite show  or a movie is ending. I'm tired of teaching my younger cousins in darkness. I'm tired of thinking what will be the future of my country....

The only thing I'm not tired of is hoping and praying for better days.(SIGH)

FINAL EXAMS :(

Writing to you is .......

My friend and I were arguing about writing... I was defending about writing......Do you know what I ended up describing "writing" as in that moment of argument !!!! ( UGHHHHH another moment added to my embarrassing 101 incidents).....I spontaneously said "Writing is like creating a baby"....It just popped out my mouth without a thought. And I sure shocked myself as well as my friend. My friend's reaction was " I cant believe you said that"....For me I was thinking why did in the world did I say that !? I hope parents around the world don't come and kill me for comparing human babies to writing...

Ok writing is not like creating a baby or babies. I thought about it and realize that analogy came out because of some writer I had read about who had described her characters and books as her baby...You know when you make a story those characters in your mind are not really characters but real people that are attached to you.Its like a planet that exist only in your knowledge.....I remember reading this so I must have have somehow linked writing to babies. And in that moment of argument it must have popped out my mouth. 

But later when I thought about "writing" deeply, I think the way I want to describe is its like taking a piece out of your soul and showing it to world without any fear....Its like having really really long hair and then chopping it off and later wondering what happen to all your chopped hair....(Another weird analogy I know) But for some weird reason my writing reminds me of my chopped long hair. 

Its just that  writing anything is a big part of you because its coming from deep within you....So how can you write without feelings ? How can you write without deep thoughts ?My friend disagree....But I think when one is really writing they are showing the world whats going inside their head.....That's why you should write something that you can be proud of , something that you know and something that you feel.....I cant force myself to write about something I don't believe in or something I cant be proud of.....Writing is like taking an essence out of your thoughts...Writing is honesty because they go hand in hand...Your writing is like a picture of you on a paper...A picture of you is like a moment of you forever captured in time and therefore writing is your thoughts forever written on a piece of paper. I also think everybody can write.....It just depends on whether you want to show it to the world or not. :)

PS...The above pictures are from:
http://www.thewritersworkshop.net/writing-2.jpg http://ginalaverde.files.wordpress.com/2009/06/writing-sample-lamy-vista.jpg

Who treats who ?

Me:" I never know how to treat her because she is so moody."
P smiles and says : "Its not up to us to decide how to treat her, its her who always decide how to treat us"
Me: "Lol, yea thats so true...Never thought it was that way but it is that way...."

Its 3.00 am in the morning

Its 3.00 am in the morning...After trying to study for Economy of Pakistan (Note the word: trying) I ended up watching Full House (Korean drama) instead.... The male lead in it is a "jerk" was all I would think while watching it but it did have its funny moments. Hmmm I have too much work piled up....

Tomorrow I have to....

• Meet my Financial Management teacher so he can help me figure whats happening in the class
• Finish my Arabic assignment which has 10 excercies due on Tuesday
• Study for Economy of Pakistan ( the test is on Tuesday)
• Start my research on Murahabah
• Figure out how to write formal letter (I cannot write anything formal !)                                    

But for some reason am very calm.... :) I just wish I would stay awake one of these days to see the sunset..Wont that be a beautiful sight ? Especially near the beach....I can literally feel the wind and hear the waves crashing.. But not possible today or any time soon I think...I have my reasons.... But its great being student and knowing that even though you don't have time management skills but you still survive ! :D Although I wouldn't being the "octopus" sometimes when things gets too hectic.... Anyway take care all ! Have a nice day !

PS...the picture above is from:

http://mihaskerlavaj.files.wordpress.com/2008/05/timemanagement.jpg

Does love have a limit on a number of people one can love ?

Do you think there's a limit to the number of people one can love ? I am not talking about love love but the love that we share with everybody....Like family , friends etc. I know love itself has no capacity but don't you think every human being has limit of number of people they can love ?

Some prefers to love only their family while some can include a few friends..... Some have the capacity to love everybody and everyone. I think such people have a big heart. Its sad to say such people are sort of rare. But I also think if we find it within ourself we can learn to love a lot of people. Because at end we are human being. And love generates more love. I know evil and hatred exist in the world too. And love can end it. But for that we need to get rid of bitterness, prejudice and a lot of negative emotions. Its not easy but its not impossible either.

Anyway I finally changed the look of my blog...I love love love the new template...The girl sort of looks like me except for the bangs she has....The credit of hunting the template entirely goes to my younger sis ! She was very sweet about it... Anyway have to go and start studying for my 3rd hourlies...Have a nice day everybody ! :D

Passion

Yesterday I desparately i wanted to post but some thing was wrong with my univ's network so I wasnt able to log in to blogspot.Its weird posting after a year again...Would you believe me if I told you that I always wanted to post something on and off but something always held me back or I always end up forgetting.

One of the reasons I never came back because life was really busy and over whelming...I guess in some way it still is....Its also very weird being in Karachi....I really miss my old life sometimes.I think coming here has made me more with-drawn from the world..I have become a quiet person who has stopped reading and just goes from one day to another aimlessly.
So I wonder sometimes on gloomy nights like these where did my passion go ? Am i just tired or or have I just drifted away from my destiny for a little while ? Everybody needs break right ?!